A Spam to Remember

Sometimes when I read something really good, I get a pang of jealousy.

So it was this morning when I checked my junk email.

"Dames always hee-hawed at me and even boys did in the municipal lavatory!"

Dang. I wish I would have written that. It's funny, it's poignant, it's confusing. Municipal lavatory? Really? Like, funded by the county? I think of all the Smallville officials (the city council, the Chamber of Commerce), lined up to attend to business (so to speak), breaking into laughter at the inadequacy of "Kennith's" member.

And the dames and their hee-hawing. Do you see? Do you see how Kennith tosses back their laughter, makes them look ridiculous, like braying donkeys?

But it gets even better. Kennith tries Product X, and relays that "now I shriek at them" because "my (member) is immensely longer than average."

I love that word "immensely." It's so Henry James. You can tell Kennith is a fan.

And "shriek"! Can you imagine the noise that would make, bouncing off all the white tile and chrome of the municipal lavatory (the Mayor covering his ears, grimacing; the Chamber men red-faced with fear and embarrassment). Quite the denouement!

It's a bit sad, thinking of Kennith stuck in some cruddy office in New Jersey or Bangalore or wherever spam writers are stationed, force to crank out text for --- well, you know. It's more than sad. It's a tragedy of Jamesian proportion: the earnest and talented young writer, poor but well-meaning, tossing away his divine talent on Vi*8ra and  C1a*is while in the street far below, outside the municipal lavatory, the dames bray and bray and bray...

Comments

[Jane Plane]

Isn't that the "dames" braying and braying?

What an excellent post, and now, dammit, I'm tempted to read more spam.

[Andie]

This is so awesome. What interesting things you can find in the junk folder!