Years ago, young readers, I used to be a technogeek. Yes, I spent many, many hours installing printers, and software, and hardware, and answering my phone to hear someone say, "That thingamabob on my screen doesn't do that thingie it used to do." And I would appear at the user's elbow like an angel from heaven, and soon the thingamabob would be thingie-ing, and the user would smile and -- tearfully -- touch the hem of my gown in thanksgiving. Those were good days.
And then there are days like today, where I spend an hour trying to figure out how to redirect my old beccatown site (long inactive) to this blog, and much time investigating .htaccess files, and why my FTP program isn't showing me hidden files and how to make it do so, and why -- when I upload my shiny new .htaccess file -- it gives me a "Permission Denied" error message. And there is no techno angel I can call upon, no smugly smiling geek to appear before me, only too happy to tell me how stupid I am, and rudely shove me out of my chair and take over the whole works and fix it once and for all, and in the future don't touch this, okay? You shouldn't need to be doing any of that.
(Note: I was never a rude technogeek as above. I prided myself on being pleasant and communicative, and I avoided using overly technical terminology. But even though I had been a techie for several years, I often had to put up with that smug attitude from some of my male co-workers, many of whom were less experienced than I. Those pocket protectors can have very sharp edges.)
But I did find solutions to my problems, and my old site is seamlessly redirected. It brings back memories of when I used to feel competent and able, when the parameters of my job were clear to me, when I would "make things go" and bask in the gratitude of my co-workers.
Now I'm a stay-at-home mom, and I don't spend a lot of time basking, or feeling I have conquered a problem once and for all: the dishes keep undoing themselves, the clothes don't stay clean, dinnertime rolls around at the same time every night, and Henry -- though a joy in many ways -- does not give me a lot of positive feedback, or go over my goals for the future, or give me a raise or a day off.
Today I miss having an "outside job", and that feeling of knowing what I was doing.
But there are benefits to this life, too. This morning I lay on the couch, drinking my twice-or-thrice weekly cup of coffee and finishing my book. I had a snack. Two snacks. Well, a breakfast and two snacks. And it's now past lunch time -- damn! (Pregnancy has instilled in me some Hobbit-like eating habits.)
In a couple hours Henry will be home, and he'll ask for Chex Mix and "kisses! kisses!" and my day will shift toward the mom role and away from reading-snacking-geeking, until this evening after Henry goes to bed -- when, for the first time in a long time, I shall write.
The green is nice! If you ever need tech help, you can call my husband. He's very handy, that way. What I miss about a job is dressing in grownup clothes, and having people to talk about Project Runway with. I recently did a phone interview for a version of my old job at a different company. The HR person told me I wasn't qualified. Ouch. Yet I'm glad to be out of the corporate rat race. Naps are lovely. I started during my last pregnancy and kept going. I get more reading writing and resting done as a SAHM, even if it is often menial.
Posted by: Girl Detective | March 05, 2008 at 08:42 PM
I knew I had fallen from my technogeek throne the day my son had show me how to edit a video to post on my blog. Or when he was 9 and asked for help with his Visual BASIC program and my eyes glazed over. Growing up, I always thought my parents were techno-idiots. Now, I've become them. :)
Posted by: lynanne | March 07, 2008 at 09:49 AM